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THE 



SCAPE-GOAT; 



A FARCE, 



IN ONE ACT, 



PERFORMED, FOR THE FIRST TIME, ON FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1825, 



AT THE 



THEATRE ROYAL, COVENT GARDEN. 






By JOHN POOLE, Esq. 

Author of " PAUL PRY," " TRIBULATION," " MARRIED and SINGLE,' 
" SIMPSON and Co." &c. &c. 



LONDON; 

Published by SHERWOOD, GILBERT, and PIPER, Paternoster Row. 



1826. 

Price Eighteen- Pence. 






^/^c 



/I 



Gyc and Balne, Printers, Gracechmch-Street. 



* # * A French Piece, called " Le Precepteur dans Vembarras" 
furnished the ground-work of the following Farce. 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



— ►>> 



Old Eustace . . . , r Mr. Blanchard. 

Charles, (his son) , Mr. Cooper. 

Ignatius Polyglot .Mr. W. Farren. 

Robin . ., Mr. Meadows. 

Master Frederick , . 

Harriet t Miss A. Jones. 

Molly Maggs • • . • . .Miss Jones. 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 



Scene — Polyglots study. A door on each side, con- 
ducting to other apartments. An opening to the 
garden, at the back of the stage. Another door 
leading to the interior of the house. Globes, books, 
maps, Sfc. are scattered about 

Robin discovered, turning a globe. 

Robin. Tis an extraordinary thing, that, do what I 
will, I can't make myself sensible. I turn the world 
topsy-turvy for hours together, as I see my young 
master, Mr. Charles, do; like Mr. Ignatius Polyglot, 
his tutor, I sometimes look into a book full of Greek or 
Latin ; but all to no purpose. Ah ! Mr. Polyglot must 
be in the right : he can't bear the sight of a woman in 
the house, for fear Mr. Charles should fall in love, and 
neglect his studies ; and, for my part, Pm sure that, if 
all the Greek I have got in my pocket (shelving a book) 
were cramm'd into my head, one thought of my sweet 
little Somersetshire lass, Molly Maggs, would drive it 
out again. 

Enter Molly Maggs, from the Garden. 

Molly. Hist! hist! Robin! 

Robin. What ! my dear Molly ! You may come in. 

Molly. I'm afeard, Robin. 

Robin. There's nothing to be afraid of just now. 

Molly. Where's Mr, Ignoramus, the tutorer, then ? 



6 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Robin. Mr. Ignatius you mean. He's out, taking 
his evening's walk. 

Molly. Be he ? I hope he be gone down towards the 
little bridge. 

Robin. Why? 

Molly. The last time he went that way, he were so 
busy at what he called soldering a problem, that he 
stumbled over into the brook. If I had been in your 
place, Robin, before I pulled him out again I'd ha' 
made him promise to consent to our marriage, or I'd 
ha' let him bide there till doomsday. 

Robin. Molly, Molly, you don't like Mr. Polyglot. 

Molly. Why don't he like me then ? 

Robin. It is not you alone, but he would dislike any 
other young maiden about the house the same. 

Molly. And what for? there's no reason in that. 
Am I to blame? I'm sure 'tis no fault of mine, Robin, 
that I'm a young maiden. Ha! ha! ha! A pretty 
to-do there'd be if he should catch me here — in his 
own apartments too ! 

Robin. So there would. I tremble to think of it ; 
and so, Molly, you'd better — 

Molly. I don't care: if he says any thing to me, I'll 
give him his own. Besides, our master, old Master 
Eustace, will be home in a few days, and we'll ask his 
leave to be married, in spite of old tutorer. 

Robin. No, no, we must not displease him; he's 
steward as well as tutorer, and^ 

Molly. He'll discharge us? let him. I'm not afeard 
of wanting a service. I have relations who are up in 
the world, I'm first cousin to Sally Maggs, who is 
head chambermaid at the Bell, at Winchester — Chat- 
tering Sally, as they call her, and well they may, for 
she is chatter, chatter, chatter — 

Robin. In that respect, Molly, you don't disgrace 
the relationship. 

Molly. Discharge us, indeed ! the sooner the better ; 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 7 

we may then get married when we please. What 
does the foolish old chap mean by not liking folks to 
marry ? I wish his father had been of the same mind, 
and then Mr. Ignoramus would not have been here to 
torment us. 

Robin. Well, well, though he is a little crabbed 
and sour, he's a good old soul at bottom. He'd go 
through fire and water to serve young Master Charles. 

Molly. With a vengeance ! Poor young gentleman ! 
he's grown as melancholy as a willow tree : and no 
wonder: at four-and-twenty to be kept in leading- 
strings like a baby ! But no good will come of it, see 
if there do ; and I wish that Master Charles would 
give him the slip one of these days, on purpose to 
plague him. O, if I could but catch the old one 
doing any thing amiss — 

Robin. Think kindlier of him, Molly ; we'll wait 
till we find him in a good humour, and then perhaps — 

Molly. If we wait till then, Robin, you need be in 
no hurry to buy the wedding ring. Well, I'll go. 

Robin. Do; for after all 'twould do no good to 
anger him. And, Lord ! if he were to see us here 
together ! — Well, good bye, my dear Molly. 

Molly. Good bve, Robin! {loitering) Good bye, 
Robin ! 

Robin. {Kisses her) Bless your little heart ! 

Enter, from the garden, Ignatius Polyglot, with a 
book. Robin runs off. 

Molly. O, crimini ! 

Poly. What do I behold! Under my nose! my 
very nose ! here too ! in my study, the sanctuary of 
science and of learning ! 

Molly. Well, if nothing worse was ever learnt here, 
Mr. Ignoramus — 

Poly. Ignatius. — But what atonement can you make 
for this ? 



8 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Molly. Atonement ! I've done nothing to atone for. 

Poly. Nothing ! Do you call that nothing? Did I 
not see ? Did I not hear ? Nothing ! O tern — but you 
don't understand Latin. 

Molly. Latin, indeed! no, nor Greek neither ; and 
I'm sure 'tis all Greek you are talking to me. What 
did you see? what did you hear? You heard Robin 
say good bye, that was all. 

Poly. Peace! I'm a linguist, and in none of the 
seventeen languages I'm acquainted with, does that 
mean good bye. 

Molly. Then I wouldn't give seventeen figs to be 
as learned as you are, and your seventeen languages 
are not worth talking. 

Poly. To what is the poor youth exposed ! Mischief! 
Serpent ! Woman ! I pity, and tremble for, the unfortu- 
nate lad. 

Molly. 'Tis a misfortune not likely to happen to you. 

Poly. But 'tis I alone who am to blame. I ought 
not to have allowed one of the deluding sex to approach 
those innocent and unsuspecting youths. Had my 
pupil, Charles, beheld this, it might have put things 
into his head, which — But there will yet be time to 
save them. To-morrow, at day-break, you will quit 
this house. 

Molly. Nay, and you wouldn't be so cruel, Mr. 
Poll-parrot. 

Poly. Polyglot. — I have said it ; reply not. 

Molly. I have not done any harm, and I'm sure I 
did not think any harm. 'Tis no fault of mine if 
Robin is in love with me : he fell in love of his own 
accord, indeed he did. 

Poly. Love! (looks fearfully about.} Silence! — If 
Charles should hear that dangerous word — Retire — 
Withdraw — begone. 

Molly. (Bursting into tears.} O dearee me ! Pray, 
good, kind Mr. Ignoramus, forgive me this once. 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 9 

Would you have it upon your conscience to turn a 
poor lass out of her service, and send her upon the 
wide world without a friend to protect her? Would'ee 
now, Mr. Ignoramus, would'ee? 

Poly. Go away, my dear, and — No, I will not give 
way to the weakness of our common nature, but prove 
myself, in the discharge of my duty, inflexible as the 
first Brutus ! 

Molly. And well you may call him so, if he was as 
stony-hearted as you are. Will you forgive me ? 

Poly. No! 

Molly. You won't ? Nay, then, I'll tell you a bit 
of my mind ; I'll do that, an 5 I die for it. For all your 
grave looks, I'll be sworn you are no better than your 
neighbours ; I know you arn't. I'll pass my days in 
watching you, I will ; and if ever I catch you saying 
" good bye," as I know I shall, then, when you are in 
trouble, and in need of indulgence, you shall find me 
as pityless as yourself. There; carry that bundle 
upon your shoulders, and now — I'll go and pack up 
mine. . [Exit. 

Poly. The little serpent ! Her tears, her imploring 
looks, had well nigh — But I must be firm : I see the 
danger, and must protect my pupil against the snares 
of these pernicious creatures, Poor lad ! he is inno- 
cent, and knows not the seductive power of love. My 
example and instructions have so fortified his mind, so 
hardened his heart against all silly, soft impressions, 
that, thanks to me, he may hope to pass through life 
as becomes a philosopher — in a happy indifference to 
all its joys, its pleasures, and its cares. He comes ! — 
My dear disciple ! 

Enter Charles, in violent agitation. 

Chaises. My dear sir, I'm glad you are returned. 
Poly. Your impatience pleases me. Come, is it 
to be Sophocles this evening ? 



10 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Charles. No : — it is not that, sir, — but — 

Poly. Well, well ; we must sometimes relax, — make 
holiday ; so, instead of Sophocles, we'll amuse ourselves 
with a problem in Euclid. 

Charles. Confound Euclid ! as he has often con- 
founded me. No, sir ; I — in short, you see me in the 
greatest distress. 

Poly. In distress ! You alarm me ! My dear boy, 
my dear child, what is the matter? 

Charles. My father is returning ; he is now gallop- 
ing up the avenue, and I see no refuge from my diffi- 
culties but in death. 

Poly. Mercy on me! what do you mean? No 
refuge but in — and in his father's absence too ! Con- 
sider ? that for all that concerns you, I am responsible. 
Wait, at least, till he arrives, and — 

Charles. No, I am resolved ; the matter is pressing, 
and there's no time for deliberation. 

Poly. And he has not half finished his studies ! 
{Rushes into his arms) Charles — my dear boy — be com- 
posed — look at me — who am I? have I not been your 
guide, your protector, your friend, since the hour you 
were born. You know I love you ; that there is no- 
thing on earth I would not do to see you happy ; tell 
me, then, what it is afflicts you. 

Charles. You will betray me to ; my father, and I 
dread his displeasure worse than death. 

Poly. Betray you ! Never ; be it what it may. 

Charles. Swear ! 

Poly. I never swear. 

Charles. Swear, or this instant will I — 

Poly. Hold ! your danger inspires me with the 
devotion of an antique Roman : I swear, {raising his 
hand) Per Jovem! By Jupiter! I swear. 

Charles. Enough ! I will trust you. {Aside) And 
yet I dare not tell him the whole. — I — I am in love. 

Poly. O, horror ! In love ! Tis epidemic— 'tis rim- 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 11 

ning through the house ! Robin, Molly, and now — 
How, sir! and at your age, only just turned of four- 
and-twenty ; the thing is incredible, and — 

Charles. Do but hear me, sir. 

Poly. In love ! it cannot be : why, he has Greek, 
Latin, algebra, and mathematics at his finger's ends. 
And is this the termination of my hopes ? You, whom 
I destined for a philosopher ; you, whose name I 
fondly hoped to see placed side by side with the glo- 
rious names of Archimedes and Aristotle ! Did love 
find out the square of the hypothenuse ? Did love — 

Charles. O, sir, if the bare avowal of mv affection 
so displease you, what will you say when I confess to 
you that — but here comes my father. (Aside.} Where 
shall I conceal my dear Harriet ? 

Poly. Be composed ; he must not observe our 
agitation. 

Charles. Remember your promise, or I'll keep 
mine. Pop ! 

Poly. My dear boy I'll not betray you, I — Oh ! 

Enter Old Eustace, follotved by Robin, to whom he 
gives his great-coat, hat and whip. 

Eustace. Charles, my boy, I'm glad to see you. 
Mr. Polyglot, my worthy friend, your hand. You did 
not expect to see me so soon. 

Poly. No, sir, we — we didn't expect you till last 
week. 

Eustace. Till next week, you mean. The truth is, 
I was willing to take you by surprise, and see how 
things had been managed during my absence ; but I 
might have spared myself the trouble. You, Mr. 
Polyglot, have the superintendance of my servants, 
and are accountable for their conduct ; — 

Robin. Don't tell about Molly and me, sir- (Aside 
to Polyglot.} 



12 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Eustace. My son is under your especial care and 
observance ; : — 

Charles. Remember ! (Aside to Polyglot.) 

Eustace. And so perfect is my reliance on your 
attention, prudence, and wisdom, that I am persuaded 
you have nothing to relate of what has passed in the 
house that will not receive my fullest approbation. 

Poly. Yes — no — certainly. 

Eustace. Well, Charles, my arrival must not inter- 
rupt your studies ; retire to your own room till supper 
is ready. Mr. Polyglot, I have something of impor- 
tance to communicate to you. Robin, desire the cook 
to be expeditious ; my ride has given me an appetite : 
and do you put lights into my study : after supper, I 
shall be occupied there for an hour or two. 

Charles. (Stops Robin as he is going off.) What, 
sir ! the pavilion at the end of the garden ? 

Eustace. Ay, I have no other. 

Charles. You had better not go there to-night, sir ; 
'tis damp, and — 

Eustace. Damp? nonsense! Robin, do as I desire. 

Charles. (Aside.) 'Tis there I have concealed her. 
There is not a moment to be lost. \_Exit. 

Robin. (Whispers Polyglot.) Be kind to poor 
Molly 3 and forgive her, sir. 

Poly. (Lost in thought.) No, Molly— yes, Robin, yes. 

Robin. Thankye, sir ; it shall never happen again. 

[Exit. 

Eustace. Why, what is the meaning of all this? 
Tell me, Mr. Polyglot, what is the matter here? This 
confusion, and whispering !— Surely my sudden arrival 
cannot have occasioned any inconvenience. I expected 
to see you all delighted, and you receive me with faces 
as long as my arm. 

Poly. Uncommonly long ! uncommonly long ! 

Eustace. (Aside.) I perceive : the philosopher is in 
one of his fits of abstraction.— But there is an air of 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 13 

restraint about Charles, for which I am at a loss to 
account. Has he ^done any thing to provoke your 
displeasure ? 

Poly. (Aside.) I dare not inform him. — No, no — a 
trifle. 

Eustace. You are right to be severe with him : he 
is now arrived at an age when the strictest watchful- 
ness over his conduct is necessary. Ah ! Mr. Polyglot, 
your example has made him what he is ; your vigilance 
must keep him so. 

Poly. I — you flatter me. 

Eustace. I will now, in few words, confide to you 
the object of the journey from which 1 have just re- 
turned : it was to make arrangements for the marriage 
of niv son. 

Poly. His marriage ! 

Eustace. I anticipate your objection, and will 
answer it. 

Poly. I have no objection to offer. (Aside.) Then 
it turns out as it should be. Charles is alreadv in love ; 
so the marriage comes opportunely. 

Eustace. No objection ! Why, till now, you have 
always held that no man ought to marry till he's sixty ; 
that is to say, till he has finished his education, and 
seen a little of the world. 

Poly. You make a slight mistake ; I always said, 
at least I meant to say, four-and-twenty. 

Eustace. Well, I'm glad it is so ; for, to say the 
truth, although I am of your opinion, that it is not 
prudent to marry whilst a mere baby, yet I always 
thought sixty somewhat of the latest. 

Poly. Ay, ay, for a young man it is, but — {Aside) 
What a relief is this to my mind ! How happy this 
will make my dear boy ! 

Eustace. Yin delighted to find you are of my 
opinion. Next week I'll take Charles to town with 
me , he shall see the young lady ; I do not mean to 



14 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

control his choice; but if he like her, and she like 
him, they shall marry instantly. 

Poly. Like her! my dear sir, I'm happy. to tell you 
that he is already in — (Aside.) My oath— per Jovemf 

Eustace. Come, Mr. Polyglot, follow me to the 
supper room ; we'll talk further of this. I can never 
repay you, my good friend, for your care of my son. 
As I said before, your example has made him what he 
is : for his virtues he is indebted to you ; and, were it 
possible he could be guilty of any crime or folly, so 
completely is he under your guidance, that I should 
hold you more to blame than him. [Exit. 

Poly. What a fortunate turn has this affair taken ! 
Since he is in love, he must naturally be anxious to 
marry. Yet he did not tell me with whom he is in 
love. I do not pretend to understand those matters ; 
but I presume that, being in love, he wants a wife, 
and — Oh ! there can't be a doubt of it ; so long as he 
get a wife, surely it can't signify who. He comes ; 
I'll communicate the joyful tidings to him. 

Enter Charles, in violent agitation. 

Charles. I have been anxiously waiting the de- 
parture of my father. 

Poly. My dear boy, quiet your apprehensions ; 'tis 
all right. 

Charles. 'Tis all wrong, and fifty times worse than 
before. 

Poly. What mean you ? 

Charles. The unexpected arrival of my father has 
thrown me into a difficulty scarcely surmountable. 
Alas ! you know but half my unhappy story. 

Poly. I hope then it is the worst half, for really I 
have suffered — 

Charles. I tremble to avow to you the full extent of 
my folly, and yet I dare no longer conceal any circum- 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 15 

stance of it from you. The urgency of our situation, 
the danger that awaits us— 

Poly. Come, come, courage ; tell me all. 

Charles, Know then, that having become acquainted 
with a young lady, the orphan daughter of an officer 
in the army, I grew enamoured of her, was assiduous 
in my attentions to her, succeeded in winning her 
affections, and finally — 

Poly. Eh? What!— say no more— Oh! Charles, 
Charles — 

Charles. Do but hear me to the end of my story. 

Poly. I have heard too much already. And are these 
the fruits of my instructions ? Is it by such wickedness 
you repay my anxious care of you ? 

Charles. You mistake me, sir; if you would but 
listen — 

Poly. Never expect from me either pardon or indul- 
gence. Had you indeed formed such a bond of union 
as might without a blush have been acknowledged, it 
is possible I might — 

Charles. What, sir! would you have sanctioned 
our marriage ? Obtained for us my father's pardon, his 
approbation ? 

Poly. In that case, perhaps, I would have interfered 
in your behalf; for marriage is a sacred contract, and 
must be respected : but, as it is — 

Charles. (Joyfully.) Then my worthy Mentor, my 
best of friends, be comforted : I am married. 

Poly. (Struck with astonishment.) Married! 

Charles. I am, I am. Marriage, as you say, is a 
sacred contract ; and, by your own shewing, you are 
bound to assist us. 

Poly. Married ! So vigilant as I have been, yet has 
he contrived to — I must at once reveal this to your 
father. (Going.) 

Charles. And your oath ! 

Poly. Oh! 



16 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 



Charles. Betray me, and my life, my dear wife's 
too, may become a sacrifice. But no, you will not ; 
for your own sake, you dare not. Upon you alone will 
fall the blame.— Under whose especial care have I 
been placed? Your's. Whose duty was it to watch 
over my conduct? Your's. Whose vigilance was at 
fault when I could contrive a secret marriage? Your's. 
My father has made you responsible for my actions: 
ergo: it is against you alone that my father will 
manifest his displeasure at my misconduct. 

Poly. {His countenance gradually betraying his 
satisfaction.) The dear boy! He is indebted to me 
for his logic. Aristotle himself would have been proud 
of such a pupil. That's something like conducting an 
argument. I have not a word to reply. 

Charles. But there is no time to be lost ; you must 
at once decide. If you consent to protect us, we shall 
for ever consider you our friend — our saviour. You 
shall pass your days with us ; we will be a comfort to 
your age ; our children shall thank you ; and, as you 
moulded their father's mind, so shall you give the bent 
to their's. 

Poly. My dear Charles, I will encounter anything 
for your sake : whatever may befal me, I swear not to 
betray your interests. This will be a sad disappoint- 
ment to your father. You must allow me a few days 
to consider the best mode of breaking the affair to him. 
But where have you left your — it was only this morning 
I rapped his knuckles for a false quantity— your wife? 
Charles. Left her? She's here ! 
Poly. What, here! in the house? 
Charles. In my father's study, in the garden. Taking 
advantage of his absence, I have, for many days, con- 
cealed her there ; but his sudden return compels me to 
seek some other retreat for her. Aided by the growing 
darkness, I have removed her. She is waiting there in 
the garden. Twill confide her to your care. 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 17 

Poly. Hold, hold ! Confide a woman to my care ! 

Charles. Ay; your apartment is the most secure. 
No one will suspect that a female is concealed there. 
(Runs towards the garden.) Harriet, Harriet! This 
way. 

Poly. (In great consternation.) Stay — what would 
you do ? Should she be discovered here, I'm ruined, 
undone ! — Oh ! she's here ! 

Enter Harriet. 

Charles. Fear nothing, my darling love ; this is our 
best friend. 

Harriet In what terras can we express our gratitude, 
sir? 

Poly. Indeed, miss — mistress — my good lady, I— 
my head is turning — But, tell me, Charles, how did 
you contrive, without my knowledge, to — 

Charles. My wife will explain all to you. In the 
mean time I'll keep watch without. Should my father 
take us by surprise, all will be lost. My good,, kind 
friend, I confide to your care all I value in the world — 
my own dear Harriet. 

Poly. Why — why— you would not leave me alone 
with her? 

Charles. (Not attending to him.) Be composed, 
love ; all will be well. [Exit. 

Poly. CharleSjCharles ! Don't leave me alone with her. 

Harriet Once more, sir, let me thank you for your 
kindness. 

Poly. (Avoiding her.) Thank me, indeed ! Oh! if 
you knew — 

Harriet But why that angry look? Would you 
abandon us? In your friendship, and my husband's 
love, is now my only hope. 

Poly. What touching accents! I never before — 
'Twas with tones like these the serpent must have 
seduced my poor innocent boy. (Severely.) It is my 

B 



18 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

duty, miss — my duty, madam, to remind you that the step 
you have taken is — (She looks abashed^—Not that I 
would say anything to give you pain, but — tell me who 
you are, my dear. 

Harriet. The daughter of Colonel Mowbray, who, 
dying five years ago, left me without fortune, without 
friends, without a protector. I sought an asylum in the 
neighbouring village, and soon afterwards became ac- 
quainted with Mr. Eustace. You know his worth, and 
can you wonder if— 

Poly. Poor thing! Well,- don't weep, my dear; 
your cares will soon be at an end. Not but that so im- 
prudent a step as a clandestine marriage deserves the 
severest — (As she appears affected, he relaxes in the 
severity of his manner.) Yet you were very young, 
and that almost excuses you. But how appease his 
father? 

Harriet. I dread to meet him. 

Poly. And I too, who must bear the responsibility 
of all this! But how did my Charles contrive to make 
your acquaintance ? I watched him so closely, that — 

Harriet. I believe, sir, he bribed the servants to 
conceal his absence from home ; and whilst you thought 
he was in his own room, closely engaged in his studies, 
he used to — 

Poly. The mischevious truant! I'll trim him for 
this. I beg pardon ; I forgot I was speaking to you of 

a husband Ah! I can imagine by what arts he won 

your affections. He has often delighted me. He solved 
some difficult problem in Euclid for you, perhaps — 
talked Latin to you, eh? or Greek? 

Harriet. Greek, sir ! he merely said he loved me. 

Poly. Where could he have picked up that! I never 
taught it him. But I always said the dear boy was 
blessed with a natural genius. And so you have 
taken advantage of his father's absence, to get 
married? 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 19 

Harriet. No, sir ; we have been married these four 
years. 

Poly. Four years ! 

Harriet. Yet have I often lamented my imprudence. 
His wife, yet not as such acknowledged, and exposed 
to the evil opinion of the inhabitants of the village, I 
was at the point of quitting the place, till Charles 
could openly avow our union. The departure of his 
father determined him to afford me a temporary refuge 
here, but his unexpected return has — (A bell heard.) 

Poly. The supper bell ! To avoid suspicion, I must 
leave you, and join old Mr. Eustace. 

Harriet. Leave me ! and Charles not here. 

Poly. Possibly he is detained by his father. What 
is to be done? You must not be seen here, or — (After 
some hesitation, and ivith a profound sigh) Ah ! there 
is no other resource. Go into this room ; it is mine ; 
when the family shall have retired for the night, I'll 
contrive to let you out of the house, and you may 
remain concealed in the village till we can obtain the 
sanction of your — your father-in-law. 

Harriet. I will do all you desire, sir. 

Poly. There, be quick ; should you be discovered 
there, it would be my ruin. (He puts her into the room, 
and as he is speaking to her through the door, which 
he holds ajar,) 

Enter Molly. 

So, here, take the key and lock the door inside. Be 
cautious ; do not open the door to any one but me, my 
little dear ; the signal shall be three taps of the hand. 

Molly. Oh, oh! his little dear! 

Poly. (Alarmed.) Who's there ? 

Molly. (Looking slyly at him.) J Tis I, Mr. Pollypot, 
and since, for my misbehaviour, you are resolved to 
send me away, I come to — But what was that I heard 
you say? Were you saying " good bye" to anybody? 

b 2 



20 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Poly. No — I — I was talking to myself. 

Molly. Oh! then you are your own little dear. 
" Don't open to any one but me, my little dear." 

Poly. (Aside.) The little imp has overheard us. 

Molly. An't you ashamed of yourself, Mr. Ignoramus? 
You preach one thing and practise another. You 
would turn away a couple of poor servants because 
they love one another honestly, whilst you have a pretty 
dear concealed in your apartment. But master is come 
home now, and he shall know of this. (Calls.) Master! 
master! Mr. Eustace! — 

Poly. Molly, Molly, 'tis all a mistake — listen to me — 

Molly. No ; you had no pity for me just now ; so as 
you said, you shall find me as flexible as the worst 
Plutus.— Master !— 

Poly. I supplicate — I implore — you shall stay, Molly, 
you shall stay. 

Molly. I stay in a house where there are such doings ! 
No, no. But I'll have my revenge on you before I go, 
I will. — Master ! Mr. Charles ! all the house ! come 
all of you! 

Poly. He comes ! I am ruined — and poor Charles — 

Enter Eustace. 

Eustace. Why, what is all this noise about ? And 
you, Mr. Polyglot, didn't you hear the supper bell? 
The fish is getting cold, and— 

Molly. He doesn't care about your fish, master ; he 
has fish of his own to fry, the wicked old sinner. 

Eustace. What does the girl mean ? 

Molly. I mean, master, that if one serpent, as he 
calls me, is to be sent out of your house, to let you 
know that you have another remaining in it. 

Poly. Molly, my dear — 

Molly. Don't whisper me ; I'm not to be come over 
with soft words, that I can tell you. Here's Mr. Tutorer, 
sir, who would turn away a poor lass for having an 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 21 

honest lover of her own, has got a — I don't know what, 
locked up in his room. 

Eustace. Why, how dare you accuse — 

Molly. It is true enough, sir ; and if it is not a 
woman, may I never be married! and I would not 
swear such a dreadful oath to a fib. 

Eustace. A woman ! 

Poly. (Aside.) I don't know whether I am standing 
on my head or my heels. 

Eustace. Is this true, sir? 

Poly. I— you can't believe — you would not suspect — 

Molly. There's no need to suspect, master, for it is 
true. 'Tis his little dear, for I heard him call her so. 

Eustace. The girl's earnestness convinces me there 
is some truth in this. Your consternation now — your 
confusion at my sudden arrival — 

Poly. Of course — my — my indignation at such a 
charge, my — 

Eustace. In a word, sir, who have you concealed 
there ? 

Poly. I have no one concealed — I — I was talking to 
Robin, who is there arranging the — the furniture. 
(Aside) I scarcely know what I say. 

Molly. Robin there, is he? 

Poly. Leave the room, girl! Is my word to be 
doubted? 

Molly. No, Sir. (Calls.) Robin! Robin! 

Enter Robin, from the garden. 

Robin. Did you calf me ? \ 
Eustace. How is this ! 
Poly. Ruined and undone ! 

(Charles is seen to cross the garden.) 
Eustace. What have you to say to this, Sir ? 
Poly. (Makes signs to Robin.) He went out the 
other way, I suppose. 

Molly. There is no other way out but the window. 
Poly. The window is low, and that's the way he got 



22 TI1E SCAPE-GOAT. 

out, and now there is no one else there. (A noise as of 
breaking glass is heard in the room.) 

Molly. Dear me ! Then the windows are breaking 
one another ! 

Poly. I shall faint ! pray leave me just now, sir. I 
feel particularly unwell. I'll explain this to your satis - 
tion to-morrow. 

Eustace. I'll not be trifled with ; give me the key. 

Poly. Unluckily it is inside, and the door is fastened. 

Eustace. No matter ; I'll force it open. 

Molly. Stop, master; I have a key. (Gives three 
taps tvith her hand.) 

Poly. ( Sinks into a chair.) The little vixen will 
be the death of me. 

Enter from the room, Charles ; he closes the door 

hastily after him. 

Eustace. What, Charles ! 

Poly. (Aside.) How came he there ? 

Eustace. What were you doing there? and why 
did not you come out at once ? 

Charles. The fact is, sir, I have been so unfortunate 
as to displease my tutor. He has kindly promised to 
conceal my offence from you, till he can hope to obtain 
your pardon for it. I heard your voice in anger, and 
dreading the effects of an abrupt disclosure, I 

Eustace. (To Poly.) So, that was it, after all? 

Poly. Yes — after all. 

Eustace. And what is his offence ? a serious one, no 
doubt, to require so much mystery. 

Charles. (To Poly.) Remember your oath. 

Poly. For the present I must conceal it. I am 
bound by an by a promise. 

Eustace. Well — ( To Molly.) And how dare you, 
you little hussey, tell me such a rhodomontade ? 

Molly. (Confused.) Why, master, — I only told 
you what I thought. (Aside.) I'll not give it up yet. 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 23 

Eustace. Come, Mr. Polyglot, to supper. 

Poly. I have no appetite, thank you; and am rather 
unwell. 

Molly. (Aside.) Guilty conscience. 

Eustace. You look ill. Robin shall bring you some- 
thing into your own room. 

Charles. (Aside.) And my wife there ! 

Eustace. Come with me, Charles. Good night 
Mr. Polyglot : pardon my suspicion, my worthy friend. 
(To Molly.) Do you go to bed, and let me hear no 
more of that chattering; little tongue of vour's to-night. 
Robin ! go lock the outer doors, bring me the keys, 
and then take some supper to Mr. Polyglot. 

Charles. (Aside.) Then there will be no escape 
for her. 

Eustace. Come, Charles, come. 

Charles. Remember your promise. (To Poly.') [Exit. 

Molly. He's juggling the old gentleman, I'll lay my 
life on't. But Fll not sleep till I have found it out. 

[Exeunt all but Polyglot. 

Poly. Is this a dream ! Let me collect my scattered 
senses. Surely it cannot be ! Married ! My pupil who 

had never, as I thought, even so much as O Lord ! 

absolutely married! And I, Ignatius Polyglot, who 
have led the life of a hermit, to be suspected! I must 
not think ; I'll retire to rest. Heaven knows I have 
need of it. (Approaches the door, and hastily retires.) 
Bless us and save us ! I forgot, she is there ! And how 
am I to get her away ? Hark ! They are locking the 
outer gate. There is now no hope. 

Harriet opens the door gently, and enters. 

Harriet. At length you are alone. Tell me what 
is now to be done ? Counsel me — advise me. 

Poly- Yes, I — how shall I advise you ? Advise me 
what I had best — at anv rate you must not remain here. 



24 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Harriet Where would you have me go? 

Poly. Wherever you please, my good young lady ; 
but it is night, you know — these are my apartments, 
and after the suspicions that have been excited against 
me, I — yet how can I get you away? They have closed 
the doors and — but what ails you? 

Harriet Reach me a chair. My agitation for the 
last hour has so 4 1 am fainting. 

Poly. Don't think of such a thing — I know not how 
to help you — 'tis not at all in my way. ( He leads her 
to a chair ; her bonnet falls off.) This was wanting 
to complete the pleasures of the evening. My dear 
lady — Miss— My kind madam, (Taps her hand.) If 
any one should come ! She recovers. Be composed — 
It occurs to me that I have a key of the little wicket 
that leads from the garden to the meadow ; that way 
we may reach the village. 

Harriet Conduct me where you will. But I must 
take my dear Frederick with me. 

Poly. Frederick ! what's Frederick ? 

Harriet. Our darling boy. 

Poly. (Stammering.) And have you a darling boy ? 

Harriet He is in the room I have occupied at the 
end of the garden. 

Poly. O Charles ! Charles ! In love — married — a 
little boy ! Have I any thing more to learn? tell me at 
once. — So then, I have been tutor to a father of a 
family ! 

Harriet. I can easily bring him away. {Going.) 

Poly. No; you might be observed. There is but 
one thing to be done — I foresee my fate — Since I must 
be the scape-goat, I'll fetch him for you. 

Harriet. My kind friend ! 

Poly. I'll not be gone an instant. (Noise of foot- 
steps.) Ha ! here comes Robin. Quick — retire. (She 
goes towards the room.) No, not there. He'll want to 
go into that room with my supper. There — there. (He 



THK SCAPE-GOAT. 25 

forces her into the room on the opposite side-~a lock 
heard.) 

Enter Robin and Molly. 

Robin. I have brought your supper, sir. 

Poly. Leave it, leave it. And you, Mrs. Molly, what 
do you want here ? {Robin takes the tray into the room.) 

Molly. {Slyly) I came to ask whether I should clear 
away the broken glass yonder. Why, now, if there isn't 
some conjuration there ? You told Master Eustace the 
key was inside the door, and see if it hasn't opened of 
itself. {Aside.) Then I was right after all. 

Poly. Ahem ! you may go — you may go. 

Molly. I hope, sir, you'll forgive my suspicions. {Sees 
the bonnet.) O, ho ! 

Poly. Begone I say ! and, in future, beware how 
you accuse an innocent person. 

Molly. Yes, sir, if you please ; and I repent it the 
more, seeing, as I do, the proofs of your innocence 
before me. 

Poly. Light my lanthorn. {To Robin^ who returns.) 
I am going to walk. 

Robin. At this time, sir ; and in such weather ? 
Why it is pouring of rain. 

Poly. No matter — I — I have a head-ache and want 
air. Begone ! both of you, and woe be to you if I find 
either of you here at my return ! {They go off.) There 
is not an instant to be lost. The poor innocent baby 
must not become a victim to the old man's displeasure ; 
and if he should reach the pavilion before me — Into 
what a labyrinth has my affection for my pupil led me ! 

[Exit. 

Enter Molly, cautiously; Robin following. 

Molly. Robin, run and tell old Master Eustace to 
come here immediately. 

Robin. Why, what would you be at now ? 
Molly. She's here ; I'm sure of it. 



26 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Robin. Who's here ? 

Molly, Mr. Ignoramus's Miss. 

Robin. I'll not go and tell master any such thing. 
You know you have got into one scrape already this 
evening by telling a fib. 

Molly. But this time I have proof positive, ( Takes 
up the bonnet.) Look here. 

Robin. Why, that does look rather queer, to be 
sure. But what does that signify? Depend upon it, 
she's gone. 

Molly. How can that be ? Haven't I been watch- 
ing outside ? Besides, the gates are locked. 

Robin. Where can she be then ? 

Molly. There ! I hear her move. Run, quick ; 
fetch master. 

Robin. And yet I don't like to tell upon old tutorer, 
neither. 

Molly. Wouldn't he have told upon us ? But we'll 
let master see what a sly old fox he has got in his 
house. Go, I tell you. (Forces him off.) Now, 
Mr. Pollypot, I'll teach you something better than 
Greek, I will. Ah ! here comes Mr. Charles. He'll 
be delighted at this, for the tutorer leads the poor lad 
such a life, that he'll be glad enough to get quit of him, 
I warrant me. 

Enter Charles, from garden. 

Charles. My anxiety is insupportable; and at all 
risks I must — — Why, Molly, what do you want here ? 

Molly. O, sir, I have such news for you ! You are 
the only one in the house who is kind to me, and now 
I'll prove my gratitude. I'll soon get the tutorer 
turned away, "and make you your own master. 

Charles. What do you mean ? 

Molly. I have discovered it at last. She is here 
after all. 

Charles. Is the girl out of her senses ? 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 27 

Molly. No, no; here's proof! here's the creature's 
bonnet ; and I've sent Robin to bring your father here. 

Charles. Sent for my father ! Unhappy girl, what 
have you done ! 

Molly. Lord, Mr. Charles, what ails you ? 

Charles. Alas ! vou know not the mischief you 
have effected. 'Tis not he who is to blame ; he has 
interfered but to serve me : the lady, who is here con- 
cealed, is my wife. 

Molly. (With mingled astonishment and grief.) 
Your wife ! 

Charles. This precipitate disclosure has rendered 
abortive our hopes of obtaining pardon from my father. 
Your malicious curiosity has destroyed the happiness 
of us all. 

Molly. (Bursting into tears*) O, Mr. Charles, in- 
deed, indeed, if I had but known you, who are so 

good, so kind . But dont'ee grieve, dont'ee now. 

I'll die rather than harm you. — I'll take all the blame 
upon myself. — There may yet be time ; I'll run and 
stop Robin. (Going.) 

Robin. ( Without) This way, sir, this way. 

Molly. O, I am indeed an unhappy girl. But, 
Mr. Charles, dear Mr. Charles, dont'ee be downcast. 
Leave it to me, I'll get you through, though I lose my 
place, I will. {Hastily wipes her eyes, and assumes an 
air of composure.) 

Enter Eustace (in his dressing gown) preceded by 

Robin. 

Robin. Yes, sir, Molly says you may now be con- 
vinced. 

Eustace. So. You here, Charles ? 

Charles. Yes, sir, I — I heard a noise, and was 
fearful 

Eustace. Tis well ; stay where you are : the scene 
you are about to witness will serve vou as a lesson 



28 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

which may last you your life. (To Robin and Molly.} 
As for you, if you have called me out of my bed by 
another such a rigmarole as the last, 

Robin. O, no, sir, it is all sure enough this time. 
(To Molly, who makes signs to him.} I had trouble 
enough to persuade master, but he is come at last, 
you see. 

Molly. Well, and what for ? 

Robin. What for ! Why, to be sure, you know well 
enough. The lady, you know. 

Molly. What lady ? What is the simpleton talking 
about ? 

Robin. Why the lady that is concealed here. 

Molly. Robin, you have been at the ale-barrel. 

Robin. O, the little gipsey ! Didn't you tell me, — 

Molly. No, it isn't true. 

Robin. Well, hang me but . And I suppose 

you'll say you didn't send me to bring master. 

Molly. To be sure I will, for it's false. 

Robin. And that bonnet— 

Molly. (Putting it on.) It is mine. Master, there 
ben't a true word in all he is telling you. (Pinches 
his arm.) Can't you hold your tongue. 

Robin. Oh! — that isn't the way to make me. 
Master, I say again 

Molly. And I say, Master, 



Eustace. Hold your tongues, both of you. There 
is some mystery here. The evident alarm of that 
girl — (To Molly, who is about to speak.) Silence! 
(Takes a candle, and looks into the room at the left 
hand.) 

Charles. I almost sink with dread. 

Molly. (To Robin.) I've a great mind never to 
marry you for this. 

Eustace. (Returns.) No one there. (Goes to the 
opposite door) The door is locked. (Gives three taps.) 

Harriet. (Within.) Is that my kind protector ? 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 29 

Eustace. (Staggering away.) Her kind protector ! 
5 Tis but too true, then ! The old hypocrite ! thus to 
deceive me and dishonour my house ! The monster 
shall instantly quit it, and for ever. Hush ! some one 
approaches ! 'tis he : silence, I command. (He extin- 
guishes the lights.) 

Enter Polyglot^ with his dark lanthorn; Master 
Frederick is concealed under his cloak. He goes 
directly, but cautiously, to the door. 

Poly. (In an under tone.) Opeji — open quickly — 
'tis I. I have secured our previous charge. Now, quick ; 
let us away, or we may be interrupted by old Argus. 

Enter Harriet. 

Eustace. You are right, for old Argus has you. 

Harriet. O, heavens ! I'm lost ! (Robin lights the 
candles.) 

Eustace. No, madam, you are found. And you ! 
Is it thus you repay the confidence I have reposed in 
you ? Are you the man I have selected as a guide, as 
a monitor to my son ? A female concealed in your 
apartment ! 

Charles. My dear father, I must no longer allow 

Eustace. Peace ! And what is it you are endea- 
vouring to hide there ? 

Poly. Nothing — a mere trifle. 

Eustace. I insist upon knowing. (Draws open his 
cloak and discovers Master Frederick.) You call this 
a trifle do you ? 

Harriet. (Running towards him.) My Frederick ! 
my child ! 

Eustace. O !— -Now what have you to say for 
yourself? 

Poly. That it is a Frederick—a child I mean,-J 
confess ; but suffer me to explain, and 






30 THE SCAPE-GOAT. 

Eustace. Explanation is needless : your — mere tri- 
fle — explains itself. And yet I would hope you are 
not the monster you appear. Answer me one question : 
Is the lady your wife ? 

Poly. No, no ; yet if you would only 4 

Eustace. The unblushing sinner! Then, will you 
marry her? 

Poly. [(To Charles.) I have done and suffered much 
to serve you : I can't do that, you know. 

Eustace. Do you hesitate ? 

Charles. Will you but listen to me, sir ? 

Eustace, No, I will listen to but one thing only. 
(To Poly.) When a man has committed an error, is 
it not his first duty to do what he can to repair it ? 

Poly. Granted. 

Eustace. To restore her respectability to the woman 
he has betrayed ? 

Poly. Granted. 

Eustace. To protect and bestow his name upon his 
child. 

Poly. Granted. (To Charles, tvho is about to inter- 
rupt him.) Further concealment is impossible. (To 
Eustace) But suppose his family should refuse 

Eustace. Refuse ! In such a case, no honest member 
of it would refuse to sanction the union ; if he did, 
he would share in the guilt of the offender. 

Poly. I am quite of your opinion. 

Eustace. Then why hesitate ? 

Poly. The lady is already married ; but if you 
would just have the kindness to repeat to your soir 
all you have said to me 

Eustace. My son ! 

Charles. Yes, sir; we throw ourselves at your feet, 
and implore your pardon. This lady is my wife. 

Eustace. How! married! without consulting me ! 
Leave me, ungrateful boy ! 



THE SCAPE-GOAT. 31 

Charles. Will not the choice I have made procure 
your forgiveness, sir ! 

Poly. Let me intercede for them. Remember the 
lecture you have just delivered to me. Practice what 
you preach. Besides, you can't unmarry them, you 
know. 

Eustace. And when I had another scheme in view 
for him? 

Poly. It is all as it should be. You wished him to 
marry — what can it signify? — there he is, without far- 
ther ado, ready married to your hands. 

Robin. You save the trouble and expence of a 
wedding. 

Harriet. You have a daughter who will love you. 

Molly. And a little grandson ready made, master. 

Eustace. But the example 

Molly. 'Tis a good one, master ; and, if you please, 
Robin and I will follow it. 

Eustace. Well — well — since it is so : but there is a 
little urchin who, I foresee, will one of these days play 
us a similar trick. 

Poly. Never fear : place him under my care— you 
know me ; and I give him twenty years' notice, that if 
he too should attempt to elude my vigilance — Ah me ! 
as I have done for the father, so shall I doubtless be 
induced to do for the son ; and I trust to your indul- 
gence for my re-appearance in the character of— 
Scape-Goat. 



THE END. 



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